Do the mentally ill still go to hell if they commit suicide?

i was deemed with board-line personality disorder some years ago and although i don't believe that was the correct diagnosis i doubt many would disagree there is something wrong. I do suffer from paranoia, morbid delusions, OCD, and general fantasies of death.

I have tried to kill myself more times then i can count i hate my life. i have been through everything from parent rape, to friend of family rape to gang rape. i had a husband who after a year of marriage told me he prefers men. i bore a child that is probably a result of the gang rape and then had to give up because i didn't have the money to support him. which quite honestly drove me a little crazy.

i had another son not long after and to be honest i cant bear to look at him. he lives with his father because all i can think about how he is not my first.

i got married... we are together 3 years now. but after 3 years of being treated like i was always cheating, always doing something wrong when everyday was spent together or on the computer with each other and lunches and dinners and breakfasts. i am really not happy anymore. i talked with my husband and he says he'll change but i dont know if i can forgive and forget. i have been dragged down every horrible road you would not wish upon an enemy my tolerance is much shorter then most peoples.

last Thursday i got drunk and slit my wrists. unfortunately i was unable to cut deep enough to do any real damage, and too chicken to shoot myself. (yes i have a gun and i have ammo too)

this is not the first failed attempt. i have tried unsuccessfully since before i can remember.

i just feel so alone. i am always alone. i have no one. i sit alone in a house every day all day and stare at the walls until they drive me crazy. i feel like a prisoner. even when i do go out ppl can tell something is not right because they never never talk to me. i have no contact with the outside world. i have tried talking with other sisters and in my drunken stuper made one cry for help from one sister who never bothered... she just wrote back talk to you later.

im so misrible and i cant stand myself. somedays i just feel like ripping out all the mirrors maybe it would be better if i never had to look at myself. i cant help to think that no one would care if i were gone. and my only wish in the world was that i was more brave. i think the main reason i didnt shoot myself the other night is because i dont think anyone would find me. no one calls. no one comes over. no one knows i exist. all i do is take up air and space.

i would at least like to be found to be buried....