Salam to all.

I am new to this forum and wanted to say Alhamdulillah for this informative ***site.

I am in a predicament with 2 girls. I have known the first girl for over 8 years. We split up in the 6 year mark and I started to see another girl. The first girl never moved on, most probably due to me coming in and out of her life. The second girl I have dated for over 2 years on and off. I have hit a point in my life that I try my best not to commit sin. I try to pray 5 times a day, read Quran but can not deter dating. I have tried to be single but it does not work.

I left the girl of 2 years to be with the first girl, because the first girl always supported and comforted and lastly spoiled me tremendously. Her love for me is very pure. My mother fell in love with the girl of 2 years. I have hurt both women very badly especially the one for 8 years, she has always taken me back and always has forgiven me and I cannot hurt her this last time.

I told my mother that the girl of 2 years is gone and I am back with the first one. My mother diasgreed, and said I do not bless this wedding. She says she doesn't feel it inside. I love my mother very much and would never hurt my mother especially with a big decision like this. I told my mother that I do not want to commit sin and for her to speak to her parents for marriage, she says its not your time if Allah wants it, the wedding will happen, but when I was with the girl of 2 years she kept pushing immediate marriage.

The reason I broke up with the girl of 2 years was because I was comparing her to the 8 year girl. Which is very wrong, and which I should of have not done. Also she had relations with 3 non-Muslim men during college and high school. I am not pure myself and I should not judge, but it disturbs me deeply and caused many fights and arguments. She tried very hard to make the relationship work but I did not(maybe because I knew I can always go back to the 8 year girl). On the other hand the 8 year girl lets me do anything I want, lets me go be with any girl I want only and only if I am happy with that person. She only wants my happiness be it with her or someone else.

My family loves the girl of 2 years, my grand parents included. Desi society is very wrong especially educated desi families. They want a "tall and slim" girl which the 2 year girl is, the other one is not as tall or lighter. I wrongfully somewhat compare the 8 year girl physically to the 2 year girl which is very wrong, but I have been brainwashed by this "tall and slim" preference.

I do not know what to do, I performed The Istikhara dua and I am unsure of the answer.

Inshallah with the help of Allah and my brothers and sisters in Islam this situation will be dissolved.

Salam
Salam and prayers to all.