I have not been able to overcome my depression since I was about.. 13 or 14 years old and I am now 19. My parents have noticed it but they just think it was an adolescent phase.. well im 19 and I am already considered an adult by my society, so I don't think this is just an "adolescent phase". I feel gloomy all the time ( except when I read Quran and do Salat or do anything to remember Allah! ) and I have trouble sleepy, I suffer from insomnia.. I also end up crying myself to sleep. I sometimes cry over nothing.. it just happens.. a sense of sadness just comes to me and makes me want to cry.. its such a horrible feeling!

I guess, there are many reasons why I am feeling like this.. but im very scared because i have had thoughts of suicide before :/ and the only thing keeping me from doing so is my iman and deen.. I know Allah will not be please with me if I keep having these thoughts.. !

So, i am feeling depressed because i have a lot of problems with my parents, they still dont know of me converting and the mere thought of them finding out scares me! It is mainly my dad that I am worried about because he is very strict religiously, he is a Christian.. although many of his actions do not even represent a good Christian character... he has no patience with me, he his not sweet with me, only when he feels like it.. he screams alot, and fights with my mother who is herself christian but not as spiritual at all... they just both give me a hard time !!! And the worst thing is i have nobody here with me to talk about it! I wish I had muslim friends here with me, by my side.. but i live in a border city in texas and 98% of people here are Hispanic Protestant and Catholic.... I just need to feel peace.. and where i am from, and in my home, there is no peace.. :(

I am also struggling to figure out many things about Islam.. (mainly about Shari3a Law ) because I have encountered some ex-muslims online from some arabic/middle eastern countries who are telling me that I dont know anything about islam ( because i am mexican-american, from the west and who is muslim only for 4 months) and how they know more because they were muslims all their lives.. they are arabic, speak arabic and live with muslims and blah blah blah,.... -_-!!!

I feel very intimidated by them and extremely discouraged .. I mean how can I compete with them ?? They seem to have the strongest arguments thought I am myself very confident in what I already know about Islam ...

I don't want to make a long post.. I am thinking to post my questions in Clarifications about Islam thread... inshallah I will get my answers there.

Please I need some word of advice and comfort from my brothers and sisters...since i have none here with me at this moment :/



(p.s I posted this thread earlier but it didn't so show up so hopefully this thread wont appear twice ! lol )