i have done great sin...
i commited a grave sin in my past...and it is still haunting me to this day, i am even ashamed to post this anonymously because it is that bad...
i was in a relationship with a guy who i really loved, and for awhile it was good. it was only an online relationship, but it really helped me when i was suffering alot in school because i was very alienated and abused by my peers but then, things started spiraling downwards, he began saying very cruel abusive things to me, he made me feel as a lesser, worthless human being. but because i loved him, and maybe my naiiveness too, i stayed with him...no matter what he said or did to me
my self esteem dropped so low, i felt like the worst person on earth because i was bothered by him so much....i was never good enough. then he asked me to do something, and i really dont understand why i did it but i did...and i will regret it for rest of my life. he asked me to take a sexual picture of myself...and since i only wanted make him happy i did...well he stopped verbally beating up on me, for a little while, then he started again
i guess that was my fault, for staying with him for so long...but i felt trapped and that there was no other way, i had no support, i had not embraced islam yet and hadnt even heard of it. i am sure there are some people who have done worse...but it always bothers me, because i dont know even if he still has those pictures or not...it makes me very uneasy because while i cover myself up in hijab now i know what horrible sin i did...i cant even sleep at night because of it
first, for any girls like this who feel like they are helpless, dont EVER do what i did. you will regret it the rest of your life.
second, i want to ask, what can i do now? i have asked for allah's forgiveness, but i cannot forgive myself for what i have done, for my stupidity...does anyone have any advice for me? i understand that what i have done is wrong, and i have learned from my mistakes, but i am so afraid...
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