I have been having a hard time for a time now, I did something really bad and I still haven’t forgiven myself for it. I know for sure that Allah is punishing me for what I did, I believe in karma (whatever goes round comes around) it happened to me, I did something and now after two months it came back to me. Someone told me Allah is testing me, but I know it is a punishment from Allah. I read somewhere that Allah tests people who he loves and punishes some for their bad deeds in this life than the hereafter because he loves them. But I couldn’t believe that, I regret what I did and can’t seem to forgive myself. Last night I begged Allah to forgive me. I know I shouldn’t have said this but I said this to Allah ‘Ya Allah I know the prophet (SAW) went through many hardships yet he still had hope in you because you showed him signs, you sent the angels to him so he knew that you were by his side you would help him. But what about me? How do I know you love me? How do I know that you will forgive me for what I did? Please show me a sign to reveal that you are by my side and you will help me. Then when I went to sleep I had this dreams:
There is dirt on my body and I feel disgusted because of the dirt, I look up at the sky and ask Allah to clean me and then all of a sudden it starts raining, and then the dirt from my body washes away and then I become happy and start laughing and thank Allah.
This has to be a sign from Allah, what do you think it means?
PS: Please brothers and sisters pray for my friends whom I have betrayed, please pray that Allah grants them anything they want and makes their life full of happiness because I have hurt them too much.