:sl:
i am 28 years old and want to know why it happend to me why i cant i be a normal person?
my mom died when i was i dont know 4 or 5 my father got married when i was 9 or 10 years old and this happend on this times i had a friend and he was my neighbour is well and one day he told me that we bought a new house and he wanted me and him and his small brother to go there and have a look i said ok we went there and saw the house so then he said i will go and get something to eat him and his brother went i was alone in the house i was on the roof i came down after few minutes and saw his big brother standing there and was not i letting me out he tried to grab me i ran around to escape but the door was locked so i started crying then i dont know what happend he just opened the door and let me go so like these things happend to me few times even my step moms brothers tryed to do this to me but nothing happend they didnt rape me anything like that but just like 2 of them grabed me and said we gona rape u and started acting like rapping me while both of them one holding my legs the other my hands i was a kid i couldnt defend my self but to scream and cry and it happend like that allot to me till i was 16 but know i am 28 and it still Still Haunts Me in my daily life i have no friends i like to be alone and feel well when i am alone but when around people or if i go some were i get dizzy and lost if i eat something it chokes me ,,i just sit there i dont say a word the truth i dont know what to say no one likes me bcoz i am not fun to be around i know it please dont say its not true bcoz it is i can feel if something is wrong so thats how i know,, i made friends but all of them was making fun of me in different ways that is why i dont go any were i go to work come back home start up my laptop and go around the world in cyber world,i said that bcoz i dont like to sit with my dad and step mom or her son and daughter we are 2 brothers from same mother the rest is from step mom father hasnt been good to me either when he married the second time after my real mom died he was doing what ever she told him on small things like she well tell him i had a fight with my uncles son and then he was beating me like a dog with a radio cable my back was black and blue i live in london and got my visa 7 months ago but before that i did not had a visa so i am still living with my parents why i dont know maybe i dont want any relatives talking bad that i left my parents but i told my cousin to tell my parents to find me a wife and i am ready to get married so he did and they found me a wife and i agreed i will marry her and got engaged is well but the problem is they never told me anything on my engagement day that it is my engagement today i went to work and every 1 saying why r u here its a big day for u i was thinking whats going on then one of them said its ur engagement today and ur hereimsad i got upset and said nothing kept silent and second even if they have told me i would have embarrassed my self infront of every 1 as i said i get dizzy and my face and ears get red i loose control over me its like when people are drunk so i dont know what i am gona do in my wedding day, i worked and worked gave all my money to my father know he says he does not have any money and was asking money from me but i tought i gave him enough my step mom keep saying i shouldnt have got u engaged lots of other things but not infront of me when i am at home in my room then she says that ,she tryed to hit me few years ago when i did not had a visa and spited on me saying get out of my house other wise i will call the police and tell them u dont have a visa and then she called my dad saying i am beating her but i wasnt i think i made a big big mistake by telling them to find a bride i tought allot about commiting suicide then i got a little bit better know i start to feel the same .the real problem is hate my people ex relatives and i cant be a normal person i see every 1 laughin enjoying the life i dont i cant,
i can laugh but it will be a fake on i am sooooooooo tired i hate this world i saw thing when u see in people u will burn this whole world down

Q:SHOULD I LEAVE MY PARENTS HOUSE AND GET MY OWN PLACE? if i do that i think i will be happier
Q:CAN I CANCEL THE ENGAGEMENT WITH OUT HURTING ANY 1?
Q:CAN I BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND GIVE ALL MY LOVE TO MY FIANCE?
Q:CAN I COMMIT SUICIDE BEFORE MARRIAGE OR AFTER ? WHICH ONE IS A NOT A SIN
Q:CAN I KILL OR DO SOMETHING BAD TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS TO ME? MEANING TRY TO RAPE ME

FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH HELP ME I DONT KNOW ANYMORE WHAT TO DO I JUST WANT TO ERASE EVERYTHING OF MY HEAD AND REMEMBER NOTHING BUT IT ISNT HAPPENING IS THERE A WAY TO MY PROBLEMS SO I CAN FIT IN THE COMMUNITY AND NOT GET DIZZY AND SHY NOT EMBARRASSING MY SELF ,,

THERE ARE MORE PROBLEMS BUT I CANT RIGHT ALL DOWN AND SORRY FOR ALL THIS CRAP I TOLD U BUT I REALLY NEED HELP I HOPE U IUNDERSTAND ME:exhausted